37 Years

Me and the Mrs miniscule celebration

I mean it’s no big shakes, it’s nothing that special, other couples have celebrated far longer anniversaries, but Judy and I have been a item for 37 years today.

(I’m writing this on Friday, 8th of August)

We had our first ‘date’ on 8-8-88. That makes it fairly easy to remember, although Judy had totally forgotten. I wasn’t upset, after 37 years together a lot of things that may have, at one time, caused upset or sadness, are just part of normal everyday life.

I had briefly met Judy in 1987 when she was still performing with Circus Oz, an amazing Australian circus company that is still going today. She was very glamorous, right out of my league so it was a bit of a one way romance. I remember praising her after an breathtaking circus performance, she doesn’t remember meeting me, but then again I was a bit of an adoring fan boy and she was used to them.

Rather spookily, a year later, we were performing in the same theatre at the 1988 Edinburgh Fringe. Her show was immediately after mine so as I was packing up props and getting changed, she was getting ready for her show. It was during the hectic 4 weeks of the festival that a genuine romance started to slowly emerge.

Taken when we were on a stand up comedy tour in 1989

So we started out a bit romantic, but of course over the years things just become a bit more normal and less dramatic. I’m also not trying to suggest that our lives have been one 37 year long string of love and adoration for each other, we’ve been through plenty of ‘rough patches.’ I don’t think that’s the right descriptive term as a patch sounds like a couple of days here and there.

We’ve been through some rough decades, properly miserable and occasionally desperate. But, through a lot of talking, couples therapy and I think, underneath the brusque nature of our interactions, genuine love, we’ve made it this far. We have found a peaceful mutually supportive existence together.

We had a few years of DINKY-dom (Double Income No Kids) before we started parenting. Our son was born in 1993, our daughter in 1996. In that pre kid period I know we had occasional rows, I would get in a huff and slam doors, Judy would call me all manner of offensive names but 95% of the time we were golden.

One thing we had in our favour, my mother and father adored Judy, and Judy’s mum and I got on very well and we still do. (Her dad had passed away before we met)

After our beautiful boy was born, we learned that parenting can add a bit of stress on a relationship. LOL, it was in equal measure the most devastating and delightful experience of my life.

We were no different to any parents, we made most of the classic mistakes, neither of us had a clue what to do at first but we learned quite quickly. I will say now with the benefit of hindsight, we could have done worse.

There is no question, being a mother had a much bigger impact on Judy’s performing career than it had on mine. I can remember standing in the wings of a theatre in Sheffield holding our tiny baby son while Judy stormed it on stage. She was bloody funny. But touring and travel and disrupted sleep and hotels did not mix with babies.

We both had absolutely chaotic work schedules, the good side of that is I might be working away from home for eight weeks (Red Dwarf) but then I would be back home for a couple of months when I really enjoyed just being a dad, cooking, laundry, reading stories, making lego houses, drawing pictures and trying to run a stuctured day with an acceptable diet for a very eneretic toddler.

When our daughter was born three years later, the impact was minimal. She was such a calm baby, very easy to look after so having two kids was not double the impact of having one. Judy wanted more, I had a headache for a few years. In some ways I now regret not having more babies but we have been very blessed with ours.

They both left home many years ago, they both have jobs they love, they both have partners who we love, they don’t live that far away any more so at the moment, we are sorted.

I might, just discreetly, no pressure, be waiting for grandchildren. When they are ready. Their decision, nothing to do with me.

So now, most of the time it’s just the two of us.

Judy and I in February 2025, taken in Brisbane, Australia, Judy’s home town.

We knock along okay, we have independent lives as regards our work and artistic endeavours. I have been a lowly print technician for Judy when she’s stressed with her screen printing, and, if she’s in a good mood and I keep it short, I might be allowed to tell her about the challenges facing the offshore wind industry.

There is no way I could have imagined, when we met at the Edinburgh fringe festival in 1988 that we would still be together 37 years later. It seems absurd.

So 37 is not usually a number you celebrate. I might have to wait and keep going until 2028 to have a proper party, but I do feel incredibly blessed to have shared more than half my life with this incredible woman.